Most men who write to me haven't. You don't need to know how it works or what to call it. Say hello and I'll take it from there.

That's the most common first message I get. Working it out is part of what I do, and you're not expected to arrive with a plan.

No. This is the question I'm asked most, and the one that keeps the most men from ever writing. I'm not assessing you. That's the entire point.

Then we stop, or we talk instead, or we sit. Some of the best bookings I've had went exactly that way. Nothing is owed.